To non Oriental people we Chinese are something between fantasy and comic figures but I believe you are reading this because you do not subscribe to this myth and you want to learn something about us.
When Shifu Lem first contacted me to write this I said no but they persisted and eventually I relented I think perhaps the royalty sharing and the access to all you wonderful gentlemen also helped but it was the $500 upfront that convinced me I should write this
Firstly, I know you will be disappointed to hear this but we are the same as all other ladies but we do have our traditions which are important to us as is how we are perceived by other people or ?our face?.
Yes we are slim and we look after our bodies as we like to look good and we know it excites you but as Shakespeare wrote, I paraphrase - If you cut us we bleed the same as others. So you see fundamentally we are the same as all other women but in a way you are right we are different.....
Second, I don't know Kung Fu. I have tried but really I can't get a hang of the walking in air and above tree tops. But if you mess with me I will break your bones.
Third, I am devious. Yes I have small eyes but that does not make me devious it makes me pretty.
Fourth, I am a peasant who now works in a factory. No I am not!!
Do you see a little more now and I won't even mention the S word that is a whole different set of complexities. But if you are good boy maybe we can discuss this a little later.
So we girls are all the same but us Chinese sisters have history and tradition which we will respectfully ask you to respect and try to learn. Why not? We have to learn English and you know how difficult this is for us. Why do you all speak so quickly or worse some of you speak so loudly - we have no problems hearing you - it is just the understanding you that we have a problem with.
Now listen carefully, it is considered very rude to raise your voice in China and we don't like this behavior. So talking loudly at me will not go down too well. So I advise speak in normal tones and we understand you will be nervous that is why we make our eyes look smaller so you can't tell what we are thinking.
So even if you SHOUT in a letter it hurts our ears and we retreat.
There is an old Chinese saying - "When man shouts stop listening - he is talking to dogs"
In the last few years China has progressed a lot and we even had the Olympics, F1 and the Tennis masters. Do you know we also have the world championship in table tennis and badminton. Not to mention diving and gymnastics. We watch this all on our national channel so we know the names of our world champions.
So you may think I am a petite lady but remember we have the weightlifting champion and I can carry 6 big bags of shopping from D&G without any problems. As China has progressed so have we, long gone are the days of anger and the Cultural revolution we are in a new age - I think some call it the age of Aquarius - we call it capitalism.
I am here to tell you about the changes and how you can woo us - Chinese ladies and the do and the don'ts. I am not here to titillate you but to give you sound advice. So remember to check this column out in September as I will give you some secrets.
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