My sweet boys, Xiao Mao, how have you been? Did you miss me? Aunty Huang is back and I have good news for you. You can write to me at auntyhuang@shifulem.com and I will try and answer all your little intimate questions.
Maybe it would be good if I write more frequently but I think it is wise to let you digest one lesson at one time. You are all grown men and some judging by your photographs as old as me- so you boys please call me Mei Mei.
Let us start from the beginning and discuss choosing your Chinese bride.
I don't know about you but I like the look of a strapping young man- so exciting but the last time I tried a young lover I was too tired to go dancing and drinking every night. My ankles would swell and my feet would ache!I tell you my Xiao mao it was not good.
I have heard this great American saying "if you can remember Woodstock you were not there"? we have a similar one in China but we say if you can remember the Cultural Revolution you were not there, yes Xiao Mao I can't remember so I think maybe there is no reason for me to date some who can remember.
I am sure some arrangements where the age difference is big works but listen to your Aunty Huang if the age difference is too large maybe you think why she like you. Also maybe you also think why you like. Yes I know.
So when you look in the mirror and see the skin tight on your face and your flat stomach you know why your little Angel loves you. She will love to listen to your stories from the 60's when she is pushing your wheelchair. Also how much stamina do you think you have? Enough for her? Yes ok get those party clothes on and go down to the clubs because that is where she will want to go.
I have a secret to tell you. I get up early and then cant go to back to sleep. My son can sleep till 3PM and if I did not wake him up for his Wu Shu lessons he would keep sleeping. I am thinking maybe young girls do the same. How about you?
If you can't or don't want to sleep so much maybe choose a lady who is a little older.
I was talking to a lovely gentleman last week who came from Canada to meet who he thought was going to be his life partner but decided after 24 hours to leave. The lady came to me desperately asking for help and when I spoke to the man I could see there was a big cultural misunderstanding. The problem was this. The gentleman, Gerry, is a diabetic and he did not explain to his lady the medication well he can't speak Chinese and her English not so good, so how? When Young Mei, my friend, saw the syringes and other apparatus she thought it was for recreational drugs and threw them away.
When Gerry could not find his things he started shouting for Orange juice and Young Mei gave him tea and herbal medicine to clear out what she thought was his polluted system. Well you can guess the rest. The Ambulance, the Canadian Embassy and a lot of screaming
Is there a moral to this story? Yes there is! Young girls, conversation, sharing and not talking things for granted. Could this have been avoided if Young Mei was slightly older, maybe.
Yes I agree older ladies may have children- if this is a problem then choose one whose children have grown up or does not live with them. But I will advise you to seek someone of an appropriate age.
The next thing when you do find a lady of as I said an appropriate age talk to her, make her laugh, show her some charm. She knows you don't love her yet but show her you are working to that point.
Chinese men don't tell you this, but we Chinese ladies are warm and passionate. Yes sometimes we look cold but we are not and if you want us to share this passion show us how warm you are. You will receive more than you get.
Now if you can't talk to your lady then you should examine not only her motives but also yours.
Do you want me to address the question of money? The average salary of an office person in China is RM2.5k/month. Do we care about money? What do you think? A computer costs RM3K. In your country maybe you can buy many computers with your monthly salary. How about travel? Not many have been abroad and surely don't know your ways- teach her, be kind be gentle and you will receive in return.
Some people who are not white can I call you black? Ok Black people think Chinese don't like them. Why I don't know how they think. We are a little scared because the black man has such strong muscular body to protect us - but why we don't like? You like us? You are good to us? You love us? Why we don't like?
My Xiao Mao maybe it is too long but I show you what to do next time I show you how!
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